From the edge of the abyss to the foot of the rainbow – narrating a journey of mental health recovery’ the process of a wounded researcher

Abstract

In the UK, mental health service users are asked to ‘tell their stories’ within clinical settings as a tool for diagnosis, formulation and treatment plans: retelling, reliving and reflecting on traumatic and distressing experiences. Consideration of the impact of sharing personal narratives led to the development of my PhD research question: ‘What does the process of developing a personal narrative involve and how does it contribute to mental health recovery? The process of reframing lived experience within a personal narrative could support the development of: a more positive identity; self-management skills and improved social connections (Slade, 2009) and therefore contribute to mental health recovery.
This paper is focused on Phase 1 (of a 3 part study) aiming to further develop my personal narrative as an autoethnography. Using an ‘insider’ perspective, this paper is a reflection of the challenges and my process as a ‘wounded researcher’ (Romanyshyn, 2007). My autoethnography, ‘From the Edge of the Abyss to the Foot of the Rainbow – Narrating a Journey of Mental Health Recovery’ was developed as a series of 54 vignettes that described memories of my lived experience. To start each vignette, I used memorable quotes, essentially the voices of others within my narrative. Each vignette was a visceral snapshot that had a huge impact on my life and my sense of self. I realized that I was re-living every experience and showed the need for self-care when developing a personal narrative.
Writing the vignettes highlighted aspects of my process (and the likely process of others). The necessity to reorder the vignettes for coherence (to enable audience understanding) is discussed. The reflections on my autoethnographic process such as; what was left out or left unsaid and the issue of ‘narrative truth’ (Craib, 2003); the role of relational ethics and ‘the voices of others in my narrative’; and the impact on my identity of this difficult on-going process are considered in detail. Developing my autoethnography in the form of vignettes has impacted on my mental health, but it has been a crucial part of my recovery.

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